Marriage is a rollercoaster

Being married is hard and I don’t mean the do we eat in or out tonight or who’s gonna pick up the boys from school hard. I mean am I right or wrong, am I listening enough, should I keep trudging along or walk away hard. I’ve always said that relationships should come with a manual because I can follow directions on paper perfectly but this playing it by ear thing is complicated. In today’s society it’s so easy to walk away; I suppose to me that would be the easiest option because then you wouldn’t have to deal with what you put in. So many women around me are divorcing, its the new trend. Can’t handle his flaws, cant stand his snores..Boom.. Divorce! I’ve been married 17 years and its been the roller coaster of my life. With no real guide on how to be a wife or figure to latch upon, I have pretty much gone through this ride blind.

There are days of utter sadness and days of incredible love and joy. There are days when I don’t want to ever see him again and then there are days where I cant wait to roll myself into his robe and hear his heart beat all night long. I’m not so naive to think that I’m perfect but I am sure of who I am. I am flawed, I am Bi-polar, I am crazy, I am loving, I am most of the time happy, I am anal and I am a control freak but I also love hard, work hard and protect what is mine. These are the traits that make me …well me. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but you are who you are with minor improvements here and there. How do you customize yourself to meet someones needs. What is marriage? Do you change who you are to please the other and eventually lose who you are? Do you stand your ground and hope they will accept you for you?

I truly see marriage as a compromise but somethings cannot be changed. I also see marriage as a gift. The warmth of love and the security it provides is indescribable. The joy of waking up to your best friend is essentially what life is all about. Creating little people together and raising them and teaching them all the lessons you have learned along the way. You are a team and if there is a tear in that bond you slowly watch it continue to split at the seams.

How do you repair that tear? I never learned to sew, its frustrating when you see something broken and you want so badly to repair it. Can love be repaired? Can all be forgiven? Is it possible to have a normal, healthy relationship when you have so many pills and appts and unstable emotions tearing at the seams. If you look, you probably can find a million reasons why the other person is wrong and they probably are but the only thing you can change is you. Where do you even begin…..


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