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A Beautiful Bitch

 

I am the comforting friend.

The voices in your head that scream of excellence and inadequacies

I am the constant need to fidget and twitch and move while all the while begging for stillness.

I am the drive that gets your day going, the red bull of your life.

I am the silence that says so much with just one moment

I am the overwhelming doubt and sadness that causes you to cry

I am all the protective layer of skin that pushes you away from all that question you.

I am the reason you forget to shower for a week while cleaning the house constantly since it ever seems to get clean no matter the amount of bleach

I am the source of your OCD the very next week to shower and manicure repeatedly while ignoring the stacking of dishes and piles of laundry.

I am the madness pulsing through your veins and the solace in your sole.

There is no reason or explanation for the roads that I take and the emotions I pull you through.

I am the hand that pulls in the next drink, that craves the next drug and brings you to otter destruction.

Nights of wonderment and bright lights, dancing and promiscuous flirtation

The constant need for a high, for an excitement, for an adventure!

I am the unexplainable behavior of feeding your kids ice cream for breakfast and the next day incorporating a list of nutritional meals.

I am the impulse purchase and the eating binge.

I am your starvation for a week because your body isn’t thin.

I am your best friend and your worst enemy.

You don’t want to see me anymore as you take your pills but then you still long for your long-lost friend…

You want to use me and that’s ok because it feels good to have an advantage over all who are normal

Then I steal your moments away….

That while you are racing from one moment to the next you’re not actually remembering any of it.

I am the overwhelming highs and the pitiful lows.

I am the random bouts of love and the instant gravitation to loneliness.

The cursed and questioned existence all the while enjoying every moment until you don’t.

I am beautiful and I am Bipolar and I am a Bitch…

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