Dare to be different, even when you don’t have a choice

Do you know that some of the most successful people are Bi-polar? Demi Lovato, Catherine Zeta Jones, Russell Brand, Carrie Fisher, Vincent Van Gohn and Kurt Cobain. So many people have the capacity to create greatness not because of their normalcy but for their accomplishments and creativity through their illness. Some may see it as a mental illness but for me it enables us to see life the way normal people do not. For those who suffer, also have the ability to succeed due to their disorder. The attributes of a bipolar mind instill not only creativity but the endurance to continue on when all have said they are done. We are the half that have suffered and have seen true pain and in that aspect we see what those around us do not. We see beauty in the simplest of things and reach for the impossible because in our minds, nothing is impossible. We are considered out of our minds and that allows us to reach a true potential that the so called “normal” can never reach or even see.

When I see the stares of those around me due to the craziest of ideas that I have proposed at a moments notice; their doubt is evident. To an un-manic mind the possibility of doing the things that I have suggested cannot be fathomable. Millions of lists and ideas following through an unrested mind can be a gift and a solitary destruction within itself. I have managed to wake up one day and suddenly state that I will become an accountant with no training, no former education and a true hatred for math. Somehow though I had it in my mind that this is what I would become and not just any accountant but a CFO of some sort. Someone of importance that could define a companies future, a person that would never worry about her bills or lack of funding should the need arise. Now to those that I spoke with such as family, friends and even coworkers, thought yes maybe in the future if I managed a degree and funding but never now. Life is easier for many to live within the constraints of what their minds tell them is possible and in many cases impossible. For people like me their are no constraints only endless possibilities, I mean I have met bipolar people in psychosis that have thought that they were Gods. To anyone that would seem crazy but to that person nothing could possibly be more possible! So with a manic obsession succession and education,  I faked it until I made it.

Throwing it to the luck of the draw is a simple answer to an unsimple situation.  It goes without saying that qualification is not the only factor, its the mindset in which you carry. This illness that has disabled me has also defined me and created abilities that I never dreamt possible. The word no has never phased me and the reach has never been far when it comes to what I want. Writing has been a creative outlet the I have done since I was young but I know that even an accountant can be more then just that. Why not more? Mania is the drug that creates the need for perfection and that need is what I ride on in order to be different. When I look around at all those that have done their so called “jobs” obtaining their educations and stabilizing their lives in simplistic jobs that are formed from nine to five. The basic american dream per say, I simply throw up with just the thought of how basic and unsatisfying that is to me. Its certainly not an insult on those who are satisfied with their lives but you must understand.  For me there is satisfaction in accomplishment but never in the completion. There is always something more that can be done and for those that contain a sound mind looking in, my life must seem exhausting and unfulfilling. In that respect they would be wrong, the energy that surges and takes over my mind only enables me to do more. Im not exhausted until the depression hits and thats minimal at best since most of my rapid bi-polar episodes exist as an eccentric electricity that provides not only energy but creativity at all ends. There are of course moments where not all ideas are at its best or well thought out such as the bakery but some times an idea, or a manic decision turns out to be the best decision ever made. As people around you are simply planning their next move and considering the pro and cons, you are simply doing, innovating new ideas, creating a new life that could or could not possibly be the greatest decision. For those that do not leap, you shall never know if you could potentially fly. For those with manic minds, we are always flying, no matter the destination or reason. Chances are we will hit gold before the cautious mind does. The statistics are with us in this and since we take the craziest of risks we reap the most amazing rewards. A life that isn’t simple but eccentric and chaotic is the life that I embrace, though I know it comes with its turmoils. I know that sadness, depression, voices of psychosis and unrealistic thoughts harbor within but I will always choose a life of possibility before I choose a life of normalcy. I have embraced my condition and learned to use it to my advantage until I cannot any longer. I will in every essence of the word, enjoy the ride before I crash into the inevitable destruction that awaits me when my lows hit. I will dare to be different despite the cost.

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