Sometimes I think to myself that I wish I wasn’t Bi-polar. I imagine what a normal life would be like. I imagine what days without highs and lows would be like. Its not that I don’t love the person that I am because sometimes I do. Though I assume that my mind allows me to believe its okay to be wild, fun and carefree. Is that who I truly am or is there another side to me that I have never discovered because I have spent so much of my time being the person that I have always been. God knows I’ve tried to be anything other than who I am. This at the end of the day is me despite the pills, despite the constant internal battles. This is who I am deep within. The darkness that over takes me and convinces me that I am with sorrow is stronger than any belief system that I have tried to acquire. The wildness that takes over my mind when it chooses to is stronger than any drug or alcohol addiction that I could ever have. Its a life style and it is a true identity that will always remain despite your need for normalcy. I have learned to accept the inevitable and use it to my advantage. Can you say that you have done the same? Can you look in the mirror and find the positives within yourself? You need to find it, find the good despite the bad. Through the turmoil a Bi-polar mind is not all that you are. You are a person that deserves recognition and a fierce survivor of your own mind.
When others look at you they can never understand, though they may find pity and hope for understanding. You are the only victor of your own struggles and you may not see much praise for your accomplishments. Know that every time you lift your head and withstand the day that you dread and fear, you are a victor. Everyday that you control your unsounded emotions and cravings that are not logical even to yourself, you remain a victor. Even when you give in to temptation know that there is always tomorrow and you will see the victory that remains within you to keep persevering towards a life of normalcy. The life that normalcy can possibly provide despite your mindset and struggles. With Bi-Polar disorder there is no infinitive sentence and you always remain in control. You may see your life flash and take over you but somewhere within it all, with the right medication and support you have a chance at peace. I believe that no matter my condition I can find away to have peace and life beyond Bi-polar Disorder. Find your peace and hold on tight to those you love as they will always remain your salvation. We can conquer Bi-Polar Disorder once we simply believe we can.