Bipolar · Bipolar Disorder · Depression · life · mania · Manic · Manic Depressive · marriage · sex · Uncategorized

Yesterday I Cried

Yesterday I cried…

I cried hysterically while my husband rested peacefully by my side

I cried for all the things I could no longer do

The things that once took so little effort and now have formed itself into weights

I cried for myself and all the things I once loved

I cried for the person I once was and the person I have become

I cried because I am alone

Yesterday, I cried particularly hard…

I cried because when I walked through the door 

I was left to my own devices

I was regrettably greeted with

The children not being fed

The dishes not being washed 

I was overwhelmed

Lost in loneliness and dissatisfaction 

I cried because I was finally understanding that there was no room for depression, at least not for me.

I cried because I have given so much and feel I am given so little in return 

I cry still because I know that I’m not thinking clearly and I can’t see that until it’s too late

Yesterday, I cried in mourning 

Mourning over the mind that I’ve lost

I cried because instead of being content I’ve become resentful

I cried because I wanted to feel less and have some sort of control again

As the tears ran down my  face and the blanket of despair weighs me down

I struggled to understand why I’ve been so isolated when there was so much love around me

I cried because all the feeling and emotions I have may or may not be valid

As the tears subside and I look around at all the love that fills my home and heart.

I turn and hold my husband close as he sleeps soundly and unaware

In that very moment, I feel peace

I cried because it was a well needed release

Yesterday I cried… I cried to let out all the pain and allow a smile to sneak in

Yesterday I cried, for me…

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