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The Devil You Know v.s. The Devil You Don’t

Sorry I’ve been MIA but life has taken over my every moment and I had to remind myself that I needed my “ME” time, hence this blog. Something has been weighing on my mind, I suppose it needs to be said at least for my sake. I have been with my husband for 15 years and have heard and dealt with many trials along the way but I’m always asked “How do you make it work, how do you stay together?”. I also hear “Why are you with him?” “You can do better or he can do better”. I have no clue what my life would have been without him though.

You know, no matter what is going on in your marriage everyone is suddenly a licensed marriage counselor. They are all experts with tons of opinions that they deem as facts. Can you imagine what your life would be like if we listened to everyone else all the time! At some point you need to block out all the opinions that people have, the way society programs what a marriage should and shouldn’t be. When I am faced with these questions, I tell every one the same thing; Marriage isn’t perfect and never will be. We all have traits and flaws that will get on the other persons nerves. We are all deeply flawed but it’s knowing that and accepting it that makes a marriage. Learning to love someone through their imperfections makes a strong relationship. My quote is “Marry the asshole you know, not the asshole you don’t”. I know that I must sound crazy as all hell but listen to me for a second on this.

I have been with Alex for 15 years… that’s half of my life! I have gone through hell and back with this man. We have had children together, lost a child, dealt with sickness, crazy in-laws for him and I, disagreements, infidelity, separation, money problems, job loss, loss of a business, drugs, alcohol, moving and changes in life goals and dreams. Through all of that statistically many relationships fail, they simply give up! I consider my marriage to be an investment and like my money, I don’t plan on parting with it any time soon. All the women I meet, want a man to be perfectly groomed as the ultimate partner and to be honest ladies that’s just not a possibility. No one’s marriage is perfect and it never will be but I lay with the devil I know and he is “perfect” for me.

You wouldn’t believe the friendships and family members I have lost over the course of my marriage. Now my husband may not be perfect but he has not left us so he can be free, he pays the bills, he thinks of his family before himself, he loves unconditionally and he is my best friend. He has his flaws and to some, those flaws are not worth staying but I cant see why?! For crying out loud I’m not being abused… oh that’s right it’s what we all have been raised to believe. Our mothers have instilled a need for us to marry the tall, dark and handsome man who leaves every morning with a briefcase and comes home with the cliché’ bouquet of roses and a six figure check. If you take a moment to look at your mother and her marriage or lack there of, would you honestly take her advice? If so, good for you! If not, then you see my point.

It’s our life to live, mistakes to make and path to find. I have no problem letting people go if they don’t want to accept who and what I am, nor should you. Compromise, Communication, Resilience, Patience, Strength and unconditional love are the ingredients for a great wife! As women we are the foundation of our families and we are the one’s who need to hold everything together.  Does your husband have habits that need to be fixed? Then have patience with him, pray for him, stand by him, guide him and always be there for him. If he loves you and truly values your strengths, trust and believe he will begin to see as he watches you lead by example. At the end of the day when he holds you at night  telling you how right you are…..*secretly* in your mind you can say I told you so…..

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