Feeling lost and afraid is something that I have felt many times in my life. Do you know that feeling? The feeling that frightens all reason out of you. The fear that no one see’s you or see’s everything other than who you truly are. When you’re young it’s almost natural to feel that way because you have this impending future that you have to plan and adhere to as your family deems necessary. You are so unsure of yourself but at the same time you tend to think you know it all. What they don’t tell you, is that even when you grow up you still have moments when you are lost and undeniably afraid. That you are still that teenage boy / girl in this older body with responsibilities and with people depending on you! What they don’t tell you, is that you will still want your mommy or daddy…you will still crave for the laughter and jokes of your brothers and sisters, for the safe haven of family.
Some people are fortunate enough to have a great family in their lives and some are not. For those who do not have a good family, I know that you understand. Then there’s the old saying that “Blood is thicker then water” but for all those homeless children, abused teens, lonely and afraid kids out there; this just isn’t true. When I was growing up I had bigger concerns then what outfit I would wear or what I would be doing that weekend. My concerns were more on where my next meal was coming from and where will I sleep but when I look back I realize how much time I have wasted trying to be a part of a family that never wanted any part of me.
We can’t all choose our families but we can choose how we react with them, how we continue our lives with out them. To see how some girls are so close to their mothers and to yearn for that relationship. To know now as an adult raising her own children, that I was robbed. Robbed of my childhood, robbed of unconditional love, robbed of a normal life, robbed of family. Did you know that you can be robbed of life? Memories and love are precious possessions that YES you can be robbed of.
From one parent to another, know that your children need you even at their worst. Do not be quick to judge and love them even when they are at their most un-loveable. Motherhood is not easy by any means and looking back at how my mother raised me, I know now that she didn’t know any better. My boys could never make me not call, visit, listen and love them. It’s easy to throw in the towel but yelling, hitting and throwing your children out are crimes in the face of motherhood. We bring our children into this world and it is our job to protect them, not abandon them when thing’s seem hard. Protecting and taking care of your mind, body and soul means to let go. To understand that in order to live a healthy life you need to let go and forgive those who let go of you. To not raise your children the same way you were raised. Break the cycle and love your children even more than you ever were.
There are days when I miss what could have been but I become wiser and stronger every day. I wish I could say it’s easy to walk away but I would be lying to myself and you, if I said that. Every time I find myself wishing I had a loving and involved family, I remind myself I do. My own special, personalized, loving family, created by me! There are some things in life you cant change but you CAN change how you react and what you do. Know that what ever people do to you is on them but how you react is on you. Concentrate towards the future and leave the past where it belongs…in the past!
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi