I never saw what others did. I never accepted the views that the world shared around me. I accepted the weight that loving him, gladly beared. I allowed the curiosity to intrigue me and diminish my capability to see clearly. I ultimately gave into life’s expectations.
I loved him hard. Through the joy and pain, the time it took to hold this together. I accepted the pain of loving him and held it high as a badge of true commitment. Never truly understanding that love was never meant to be this way. Pain was never meant to be a test of true love.
Love is supposed to be a give and take. A push and pull. Never was I aware that when the trenches came we both were supposed to be in it together. I held my head In shame when I failed him; believing the lies I’ve been told. The very same lies he lived and breathed by as he went about his day. The harvest weakened with time and as my uncertainty grew and my Love began to fade; I took stock in the crops around me.
The death of all that I had known to be true left me in dispear and questioning my very existence.
I had hoped he would see reason. Hoped that he would see past his selfish endeavors but it was a deep-rooted poison that I could not cure. So with limited choice other than to die alongside him or save my very existence. I choose life. I choose to awaken him from the life he had never truly noticed. I choose him and essentially myself.
I choose to see freedom, passion and empathy. I tried to love him and bring out all the qualities that I haven’t seen in him in so long. I had failed and so I choose to love me.
I choose me …